Player Blog

Sarah Maher will bring you a weekly haiku on all things CSz, from suggestions to games to reffing to playing to audience members and everything else in between. In this poetry corner, no one is safe!

Countdown - Players do a scene in one minute, then again in 30 seconds, then again in 15 seconds, and sometimes even less.

Too much to get out
HEIGHTENED PHYSICALITY!
Ow. Hausman killed me.

To close out each ComedySportz show, we end on a 'final freeze' game. Basically, it is a game where the audience supplies the suggestions, and we supply bad jokes. Some of the jokes heard during final freezes may rank as the corniest jokes in history. Anyway, we will be showcasing the game 185 with the suggestion of spiders.

The way the joke is setup is like this:
"185 spiders went into a bar, and the bartender says "We don't serve spiders!" The spiders respond with "PUNCHLINE"

I sent the suggestion out to the ensemble, and here are some of the responses (hilarity varies just like in real life).

From Natalie Sullivan:
* 185 spiders walk into a bar, and the bartender says we don't serve spiders, and the spiders say, "oh yeah, well if that's true you really should say that on your website."
* 185 spiders...and the spiders say, "We're just looking for some barflies."
* 185 spiders...and the spiders say, "Fine, we'll just go out through the trapdoor."

From Rich Baker:
* 185 young spiders walk into the bar. Bartender says, we can't serve you. You're underage, spider boys. Come back when you're a Spider-Man. (starts singing) "Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Does whatever a spider can! Loves to bite..."
* 185 spiders walk into the bar. Bartender says, I'm sorry, this is a top secret bar. We can't serve you. And the spiders say, "We've been given clearance from President Brachnid Obama."
* 185 spiders walk into an 80s retro concert bar with a sign that says, "Featuring Hair bands." Bartender says, "I'm sorry, we can't serve you." The spiders say, "We just came to listen to Poison."

From Randy Smock:
* 185 spiders dressed in formal attire walk into the bar says, "We don't serve spider." The spiders say, "Oh, that's too bad. We're out celebrating. We just came from a webbing."
* 185 male spiders walk into the bar. Bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve spiders." The spiders say, "Come on, please. We had to get out of the house. The wife was driving us up the wall."
* 185 spiders walk into Bill O'Reilly's bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve spiders here." The spiders say, "Why not?" The bartenders say, "Because this a 'No-Spin' zone."

Sarah Maher will bring you a weekly haiku on all things CSz, from suggestions to games to reffing to playing to audience members and everything else in between. In this poetry corner, no one is safe!

185 - This is a “final freeze game” or a game that is played at the end of a show. It is based of the pun-based joke “185 bananas walking into a bar, the bartender says he won’t serve them, so the bananas split.” Banana is replaced by a suggestion from the audience and the players make up jokes on the spot.

I’m a thirsty ghost
This bar is quite BOO-tiful
Never walking out

So what’s it like to be a costumed character? Well, it’s hot. And it often smells strange. And it’s a little like walking with pillows strapped to you and scuba flippers on your feet. When pictures are taken of you, you will inadvertently smile, completely in vain. You will at some point almost trip over a small child in your blind spot (which is anywhere within an 18 inch radius of your body). When the costume comes off you will feel naked no matter what you are wearing, and you may accidentally swing your arms too high and wave at people on your way out of the store, which elicits less friendly reactions when you’re just in jeans and an ironic T-shirt.

Our tour of duty ended on a sentimental note when we came across this picture tacked up on a corkboard in the office where we changed in and out of our Smurfs.

This was before my time, but now I know when CSzers talk about being Newsies, this is what they meant. It was nice to see this little piece of history that survived the store’s change over. They must have liked these handsome young men.